The Wrong Way

As I stepped on the scale last Saturday and looked down, I cringed.  I knew it was going to be bad.  I'd eaten some stuff I knew better than to eat.  Well, it's one thing to eat french fries one day of the week, but two?  And not only were they french fries, but they were smothered with melted cheese and bacon.  What was I thinking?? I'll tell you what I was thinking...jello sucks, but fries in all their greasy goodness totally tickle my carbohydrate addicted self.  *sigh*  I wish that you could NOT eat carbs for a week and suddenly become NOT addicted to them. I realize that with some effort and extended time - longer than a week at least, I could beat this carb addiction, but for now, I struggle.  Boy do I struggle with it. 

I need to realize that this weight loss should stay LOSS.  Not go the other direction as it did this week.  I gained 2 pounds.  Doesn't seem like a lot but I'm trying to keep this going in one direction. 

 

Hopefully, when I step on the scale tomorrow, this week will not have been a bust, but I sort of know it won't be as good as I hope.  I have done better than last week, but I've still slid a little.  I know what I should be doing and that's the hardest part to swallow, or NOT to swallow.  I've read the books.  I know what is good for me and what isn't.  I know what a normal portion size is.  So what in the world is it in my brain that turns that off?? What is it that causes that evil voice to pop up and say "Just go ahead, we'll exercise tomorrow, it'll be ok" knowing that I won't exercise.  I need to figure out what it is.   They say that people who lack this turn-off switch are trying to fill something.  I'm not sure what I'm trying to fill, maybe I'll figure it out, maybe I won't.  I just know that I need some new habits.  Good ones.  Right now, I'm my worst enemy and I need to quit sabotaging myself.  I need to tell that little cheater voice to shut up and suck on a celery stick.  

 

Can someone say "ouch"?

I've a new outlook on tooth pain.  Yes, I had a major toothache. 

I've never made fun of or belittled those who have had major toothaches before but I can honestly say, I never really had any concept of the pain.  

In the wee hours of Tuesday morning I awoke suddenly to a major pain in one of my teeth.  It was one of my teeth that seemed to have a small cavity.  I've got worse teeth, so I assumed something must've gotten lodged in the cavity and as soon as I brushed it would be fine. 

It wasn't.  I brushed my teeth several times and the pain just got worse.  I took some Ibuprofen to take the edge off, but the pain was so intense that I knew, I had no choice, I must go to the dentist.  AAACK!

I pulled up every bit of courage...ok, maybe courage is too strong a word, but it was not something I was looking forward to, so I pushed the dread to the back of my mind and hauled my butt off to the dentist.  I'd never gone to this particular one before but he turned out to be a good choice.  (Some people know what they are talking about when they refer you to a doctor.  Others, well, let's just say they ought to keep their opinions to themselves.)

A few hours and a root canal later, I was off on my merry way.  

When I've gone to the dentist in the past, I've been given Tylenol 3 as a painkiller.  This one says to me, "You had quite a bit of infection, so I'm going to give you a prescription for some generic Vicodin."

"Huh? For a tooth?" I'm thinking. 

With numb face and lips I head toward the Publix pharmacy.  I figure I'll make use of my wait time and grab some Jello and maybe some soup, so I can eat some lunch without munching the side of my mouth.  After waiting 20min for my meds, the numbness was wearing off.  I was beginning to feel pain that didn't even compare to the prior tooth pain pre-root canal.  "What have I done?" I'm thinking, as I'm also wondering how fast I could hop the pharmacy counter to grab that magical yellow-brown bottle and pop a pill.  I managed to control myself and politely accepted my little pharmacy package and left as quickly as I could.  Once home, I dosed myself and promptly passed out.

  

I skipped breakfast and lunch that day.  Then I had Jello and pudding for dinner.  The following day I was still afraid to eat anything solid.  Not until Thursday did I get brave and begin to eat normally again.  

The amazing and frightening thing in all of this is not how my neglect of my dental hygeine led to an extra expense, not to mention excruciating pain, it was the fact that I was able to lose a little over 6lbs this week because of it.  It makes one ALMOST think of starving themselves for a day each week.  I say ALMOST because I'm not idiot enough to believe it would work.  I've read enough fitness and nutrition articles to know better.  Doesn't mean it doesn't cross my mind anyway, we all have weak moments.

Scavenger Hunts

Each week since my sister has discovered the coupon sites, I've set out to several stores with a list and a handful of coupons.  I take the stack of coupons, the list and head into the store with the feeling of a child on a scavenger hunt.  The list comes with cryptic clues of what I should be buying, "this should cost 25 cents", "this should be free, or almost free", while also eyeballing the corresponding coupons to find the specific item in question.  I'll admit, sometimes I don't get the right item.  Sometimes I swear she imagined such an item exists.  Other times I stand in an aisle gazing at the myriad of possibilities, "is it the big one or the little one?", "red, black, or yellow?", "what is she talking about?".  It's become a little personal challenge.  The side benefit that hadn't even occurred to me during my wandering is in fact, the wandering.  From one side of the store to the other I go.  Around and around a specific department until I find that in which I've been searching.  I think I need to start wearing a pedometer on these store trips.  It would be interesting to see how many steps I take.

This week passed and I didn't get the weekly list.   Oh, wait, I did make one trip to CVS for one item, then a fruitless trip to Target for another, but I didn't get my scavenger hunt list. I'm blaming the fact that I didn't get a list this week for not losing any weight.  (I had to find something to blame)

The positive note is that I didn't gain any weight either.  Unfortunately, the goal is not to maintain at this point.  I need to stick to my 1lb a week loss goal.  *sigh*  My YMCA friend said something that stuck in my head the other day.  She said that once you begin making excuses for NOT exercising it becomes that much easier to KEEP making excuses.  She has a point.  I think I've made my wacked hormonal episode my standby excuse.  I'm not saying it's not a valid one because it does drain me of energy, but I know I've let days pass by with no effort when I should have gotten myself up and moving.  So, I resolve to make an effort on those days when I know I can do it and stop using this crutch.

 

In spite of myself

The only exercise I've managed this week is to take my everyday walk at work. About 15-20min of a stroll around the buildings while gossiping. I've tried to pay attention to what I'm eating but honestly, sometimes I just don't want to care. Is that bad? I mean, I wish I was one of those dudes who could eat 10 cheeseburgers a couple of fries and a coke and not gain an ounce. *sigh* But, or should I say BIG OLE BUTT no? I can see that sausage egg mcmuffin sitting over here on my left thigh. Then over on the right thigh is that double chocolate fudge cake. Oh and lets not forget the alfredo sauce resting on my gut. Yeah, I didn't do too well in the calories consumed column this week. Nor did I do well in the exercise column. So, what was the outcome of this slothful week?

In spite of myself, I lost 2 lbs. Yeah, who would've thought it? Certainly did not occur to me. I'll take it though. I'm not throwing that 2lbs back in the pond.

It's been brought to my attention that I should probably invest in some good vitamins. Maybe some extra iron since Aunt Flo continues to show her ugly face and has extended her stay too many times. I think I see a Walmart vitamin trip in my future. I'm hopeful that this may help me get that lead feeling out of my big ole butt and get moving.

Total Lack of Motivation

I was on a roll last week.  Was feeling super charged and uber motivated to do this thing.  What the heck?  It's too early in the game for this, isn't it? Or is this when the UNmotivation kicks in?  All I know is, it's cold outside and I'm laying (or is it lying) on my bed thinking "Who in their right mind goes to the gym on a cold Sunday?"  I'm watching the clock tick the minutes by when if I'd just gotten up and moving, I would have been back by now.  Yet I sit here. 
My only excuse - you knew I'd have one - is that I'm a girl and I'm playing the hormone game this week.  I know that's really a weak excuse, but it's mine, and I'm sticking to it.  I've been snacking this week like some crazy college kid pothead.   Luckily for me, my sister has been catching great deals on the 100 calorie snack packages, Cheerios and apples.  At least these keep me from running amuck.
As for my goals, I didn't lose any weight this week, but I didn't gain any either. Woot! I still haven't started my food journal. I hit my one coke a day goal each of those days I went to the gym, but it's an easy one to lose sight of when not exercising.  The thought of consuming every calorie you just burned in that half-hour on the tread mill in one soda is not a pleasant thought! I did manage to walk everyday despite missing the gym.
Here's to a new week, and here's to ending the "blahs".  I need to get my butt out of the house and go walk.

No pain, no gain, right?

Tell that to my thighs!! HOLY SMOKES!
I braced myself and put on my brave face and went to the spinning class today.  Now this is the "Intro to Spinning" class.  The one that is the "little taste" of the real deal.  Wow.  That's about all I can say is Wow.  I can now say that the tiny little bike is capable of handling my weight.  The other thing I can say is that my rear end is not used to having all that weight centered on one tiny little spot.  Holy moly.  Afterward, as I walked to the car, I was feeling quite full of myself and rather psyched.  I mean, it's not everyday that I work up a good ole sweat like that.  It wasn't until I got home and had to face those steps to the front door.  Now yesterday's jelly legs really had a hard time up those steps, so I was dreading them this go around.  I also think I was wrong.  Yesterday my legs were more like Twizzlers.  A little wobbly but still holding their shape and stregnth.  Today, TOTAL jelly.  Oh my goodness, I felt like I needed to do a happy dance once I got to the top but I wasn't sure that my legs could keep me standing let alone dance. 

Tomorrow I go back to work and my office walking partner will be back.  I hope the jelly is a little firmer tomorrow.  I have an appointment to learn the various equipment at the Y tomorrow as well.  Then I'm gonna take a day off.  My poor legs will need it.

Honesty? Did I really say that?

I did say I was going to be honest, so I will be.  I've not stuck to my little mini goals very well this past week.  I know, shame on me.  I totally let life get in the way of achieving my goals.  When will I learn that this is up to me? You get out of this exactly what you put in.
If we are what we eat, then this past week I was a large Coke, big greasy burger and side of fries.  Well, I won't be overly hard on myself.  I was careful about my portion sizes and only half the amount of soda that I have been used to consuming lately.  My walking partner at work was off for the week so I totally lacked the motivation to walk on my own.  The week appeared to be going down that slippery slope and I was doing nothing to stop it, when I met a friend for lunch on Thursday.  She was telling me all about her intention to join the YMCA and get healthy.  I spoke up that I have had my membership since summer and could count the times I'd made use of it on one hand.  "Would you like to start going with me?" she asked.  Suddenly, it was as if we were supposed to be having this conversation at that moment as the grease from my burger dripped down the back of my hand.  "Sure." I said around the mouthful of french fries.
I'm so glad to have started this with my friend.  We've decided to try out the classes and check out the equipment and figure this thing out as we go.  So far, she's tried Yoga (I chickened out, I'm soo not ready for that) and I've tried the elyptical machine.  My jelly legs today tell me that I did get a pretty good leg workout from my cardio workout! Tomorrow we are checking out the spinning class.  I'm a little nervous.  I mean, is there a weight limit on those tiny little bikes? Anyway, we shall see.  I'm just so glad to have someone to go with and keep me accountable.  As this past week without my office walking partner has demonstrated, I need this accountability. 
All in all, the week was not a total bust as I lost almost 3 lbs.  Imagine what I could do if I put some more effort into it.  I'm on my way!