Obsessive much?

One month into my Weight Watchers program and I'm surviving.
I've had some ups and downs, but, I knew I would, so I was ready for them and I've managed to regroup the following day and eat what I should.

My biggest issue is that I feel like all I'm thinking about is food.
I'm planning what I'm eating for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  I'm thinking about what to order the day before a planned dinner with friends.  I'm always researching how many points a food is.  Even if I'm simply offered a piece of candy, I'm checking how many points it is before I accept it.  I feel even more obsessive over food now that I'm eating "right" than I ever was while eating what I wanted.
I assumed that as I was packing on the pounds, this is because of my unnatural obsession with food.  How it tastes and feels on my tongue, not to mention how good it makes me feel emotionally.

 I thought I was thinking about food all the time.  Not even close to how much I'm thinking about food now.
Food, food everywhere.

I'm hoping that with practice, I won't have to keep looking up food point values.
I'm hoping that with practice, it won't feel like I'm spending so much time planning what to eat during the day.
I'm hoping that with practice, I master this and lose some serious weight, since it's obvious I can't do it on my own.  I need all the help I can get.  Thankfully, it feels like WW is providing that for me.
Tons of help at my fingertips. 

Sweet Beginning

I just finished week 2 of this Weight Watchers thing and I must say, it's not that bad.
Really.
I'm not kidding.
I suppose what makes it easy is that even when I stumble off the path of eating what is good for me and what will lead me to weight loss, it's much easier to get back to it and move on.  Count the points, sigh that you let yourself cave in to a bad choice and get over it.
I've become  a lot more aware of what I'm eating and it's nutritional value.  I'm looking at things the way I suppose a normal person would.  A little less the way a starved fat kid would.
I'm also not going to lie and say that it's been smooth sailing.  Oh it has NOT.  But I think I can do this.  I can wrap my head around this one and make the right choices.
So far I've lost 5lbs.
I was a little disappointed because you hear all these stories of people dropping 5 to 10 lbs in the first week they start to "diet".  At the same time, I'm happy to see a downward move of any kind, even of the 2 and half pound variety.  As long as it's not moving up, we're in business.

I'm off to a good start.
Now I just have to keep my nose down and do this thing.  

Dare I Say...New Beginning?

I won't go on about how I can't believe it's been a year since I posted, though I really hadn't realized that.  I won't go on about how this year will be different, there's only so many times I can say that and think anyone, even myself, still believes it. 
Seriously. 
I wouldn't say I'm ashamed of myself, but just hugely disappointed.  I'm swiftly approaching my 40th birthday this year and I'm no closer to my goal weight than I was at 36. 
You think back at all the benchmark birthdays.  You have such grand goals for each of them and the closer they get, the goals start becoming hastily revised.  You still have this thought in the back of your mind though that makes it okay, because "next benchmark year will be different." 
I'm not where I thought I'd be as I approach 40.  At all.  But where I am isn't all bad.  I've got a job, that's decent.  I have a newer car.  I've got a dog (some days that's not a positive).  I've lots of wonderful friends.  I also have an amazingly supportive sister.  Did I ever imagine that I would be creeping up on this birthday without my mother?  No.  We'll I get through it.  Yes.  Because of those great friends and my sister.  They keep me focused and out of the pitty-party valley. 
I joined Weight Watchers.  I'm on day 2.  I'm hungry. *sigh*  It's also day 2 of no soda.  Like an addict that has fallen off the wagon, I'm jumping back on.  I'm dusting off my weight loss marbles and I'm getting back on this horse. 
Here we go.

Visualizing the Goal

Recently, my sister has turned me on to this web phenomenon called Pinterest.  Pretty cool little site with so many ideas on just about anything you can imagine, and it's a HUGE time sucker, but I love it.  I've found lots of yummy things to eat - but I haven't made any yet.  I've found clever sayings to remind myself I can laugh at a joke.  I've also found tons of fun things to make, most of which I haven't found the motivation to make, but there was one thing that struck me.  My sister first showed it to me and I thought "gee, why didn't I think of that?"  Such a simple idea and when it helps you to SEE things, this is a great idea for ME. 

This weight loss thing is such a hard thing for me to keep steady with.  I managed to lose 8 pounds this past month, but I can't FEEL it and you certainly can't SEE it, because, I'll be honest, I'm just too overweight.  At this point, I'm ready to try anything to help me SEE it. I decided to try this neat little idea that my sister sent me a link to.  (the site my sister sent me)

The idea is truly simple. 

Take two jars, vases or glasses work too, and a bunch of decorative marbles.  The marbles represent the pounds you would like to lose.  You place the goal amount in one and move them over to the other as each pound is achieved.  Simple.  Easy to visualize.  Let's see if this helps keep me on this trail.

 

FIZZZZZ....

Soda.

There's just something about the hiss when opening a bottle of soda.  The pop when you snap open a can.  The fizz as it fills the cup with those sparkling little bubbles of carbonation.  The tickle on your nose as you take that first sip.  Brilliance.  I wish I'd imagined it and marketed it.  Instead, I'm part of the statistic. 

"Research shows that over the last 30 years Americans consumed 278 more calories per day [by drinking soda]..."  (New Research Shows Direct Link Between Soda and Obesity)

When one works for a sparkling beverage company, that number of calories goes up exponentially.  Especially when there is a free soda fountain in their break room and when one is addicted to the effervescent liquid it is impossible to pass that fountain.  I stop.  I fill my glass with ice.  I fight the urge but there's an invisible force that pulls my hand, then body, over to the fountain machine.  I tell myself, I'll just push the water button.  I set the glass under the nozzle.  I decide.  I pause a moment. 
Maybe.
This time I'll pick water. 
This time I'll overcome the urge. 
I cringe at first as I watch the brown cap of bubbles creep up to the top of my glass.
Then I dunk my nose into my glass. 
Aaaaaaaaaaah. 

CRAP.  I did it again.  I let it beat me.


Is this how a cigarette smoker feels? Is this how an alcoholic feels?
ARGH!

I once went a complete year without a single soda.  It boggles my mind to even imagine it now.  I don't know how I did it.  I don't know if, perhaps, it was the little smiley face stickers my sister added to my bathroom mirror each day I went without one or if it was just that I had a little more will power during that year.  I certainly was less stressed during that period of time, is that the magic key?

 

I'm not sure what it is.  All I know is, I have to get a handle on this again.  I KNOW this is what is keeping me from losing weight.  Not only is there too much sugar, because face it, I'm NOT drinking the DIET soda, eww, but there is also the sodium.  I can't afford that in my life.  At this point my blood pressure is high and my sugar levels are border line.  I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING.  That something is quit drinking soda.  It's obvious that I can't just drink one a day.  I've tried that.  I fail.  I have to go off this thing cold turkey.  

Wish me luck.

 

Popcorn = Yummyness

Popcorn.

It's a snack I've always seemed to have a love for.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm definitely not a fan of the hulls that get stuck in my teeth.  The ones you still find the following day, even after you've brushed your teeth.  But I really like popcorn.

I love how when you walk into the movie theater and that warm wonderful smell of movie popcorn floats about you.  I can already taste it before I've even walked past the usher that takes my ticket.  I can hear it popping and I can barely contain my excitement when the bored teenager behind the counter finally asks me what I'd like to have.  "A small popcorn and a large soda, please."

As soon as the words have left my mouth, I know it's a bad idea.  Movie popcorn never tastes as good as it smells.  I should know this by now, but there's something in my brain that turns off and is CONVINCED that this time will be different.  I also know this is a bad idea because that soda is too dang big.  I should not be drinking a soda in the first place, but a LARGE? What was I thinking?   I know what I was thinking.  I was thinking that my popcorn was going to be super salty and that I would NEED that much soda to keep from having my mouth turn into some strange unnamed desert.  Soon, with my now "free upgrade to medium popcorn because I'm a Stubz card member" popcorn in my hand, I march over to the butter faucet and let it pour.  Seriously.  They don't even try to hide the fact that you are dousing your popcorn with butter flavored oil.  I snag my handful of napkins and find my way to my assigned theater.

Once seated, I settle in and dig my hand into the bag and shove as many pieces I can hold in my mouth.  "mmf, blah, weally? Whey-a ith my thoda?"  Suddenly, I'm reminded, no matter how fresh it is, it always tastes stale, soggy and far too salty.  I wipe my oil slicked hand, fumble for my soda and think, "I should not eat this," as I scoop up another handful.  *sigh*

Popcorn.
I've always liked the popcorn that comes out of the home air pop popcorn machines with melted butter on top.  I'll even eat it if it's melted margarine on top.  Also, I've always thought that the microwave buttered popcorn was a good second best to air popped.  But naked air popped or naked microwave popcorn? No way.
All the fitness magazines, weight loss programs, and healthy eating blogs encourage eating plain popcorn as a good snack.  It has all these great vitamins and lots of fiber.  Lots of fiber.  Yeah, that's why it tastes like eating cardboard.  I just couldn't bring myself to get excited about plain popcorn.
Until...
my sister decided to pop some popcorn on the stove.  She dished some out for me.

Suddenly, I couldn't believe how good popcorn tasted!  Plain!  The freshness of every kernel as it crackles as I crunch.  The wonderful fresh popcorn smell that I look forward to when going to the movies.  It melts on my tongue as I devour the whole bowl.  I can't stop eating it!!! And I don't have to keep a stack of napkins OR a 2Liter size cup of soda on hand!  This plain popcorn is perfect to eat while plunking away at my keyboard.  Addictive it is!  I just can't stop!

Thanks to my sister, I now have a low-fat, low-calorie snack to eat that I actually LOOK FORWARD to and don't feel cheated in the least!

Goodness - has it really been that long?

When I look at the last date I posted on this blog, I have to hang my head a little in shame.  July?? Really?? Time flies. 
One would hope that with the passage of this much time that I'd have some rockin' weight loss to report.
One would hope.
One would have to keep hoping because, sad to say, I do not have such a thing to report.  In the last 3 months, I have gained, but then lost, so that I am still at the same weight I was in July. 

S

Not a totally bad thing, yes, but still not what my goal is. 
I'm trying not to be too hard on myself.  I've had a job change, and a new semester started.  Those sound like excuses, but the fact is - I'm a stress eater.  With the new job I've found myself mindlessly munching.  I've tried to keep smart snacks at my desk, but the odd piece of chocolate, candy and chip has found it's way in my desk drawer. 

I'm getting back on track.  Less eating out, more eating IN.  And hopefully, back to the gym!

Wish me luck.